A Heart Full...

My heart has been heavy for some time now with burdens and thoughts that I cannot ignore. They are quite persistent. So, here I am. There is no better way to do this than to just let it spill out.

I am a Christian. I believe the Bible is truth. I believe in one God who created the heavens and the earth. I believe that Jesus Christ is my Savior, and He died on a cross for me. A sinner. A sinner saved only by grace. I do not always understand everything the Bible has to say, and I don't suppose I ever will this side of heaven. But that doesn't mean I won't try.

I will make mistakes. I do make mistakes. Every day. I have to say I'm sorry. I have to admit I am wrong. I have to ask for forgiveness over and over again. And that's okay, because I know I am loved and forgiven. Forgiven by a God who knows me better than I know myself.

I confessed my issue with anger and rage to someone I trust recently, and it was so freeing. I felt like it was this dark cloud hanging over me ready to shoot lightning down on my head at any second. I don't think I purposely hid it from everyone around me, but I certainly wasn't preaching it from the pulpit either. Sure there were times where I would tell a friend about my temper, but the usual response was just laughter and a shrug. "You're too sweet to have a temper," or "Not you," they would would say.

The ones closest to me knew it all too well, though. Kevin, my boys, my family. They knew know the real me. The short-tempered person who has trouble controlling her rage sometimes. There is no excuse for this unbecoming behavior. It is my sinful nature in this fallen world, and it must be put to death. Which is why on that particular Sunday morning I decided to confess my sin to a fellow believer. I was not judged or scolded, but prayed with and gently guided to scriptures that would help me on my path to righteousness.

The freedom I found in sharing my very personal struggle got me thinking about how many times we as believers miss out on a blessing (or deliverance, or freedom, or healing, or forgiveness, etc.) because we are too stubborn (or prideful, or ashamed, or bitter, etc.) to confess our sins one to another. I'm not talking about telling me everything you've ever done or sharing every sin and wrong choice with the world. But what if...

WHAT IF you let your confession become your testimony?
What if you took the time to share your story and in the process helped someone else find the courage to share theirs, too? What if the testimony you gave of how God saved you from a sinful life and set you free by the power of His blood led another sinner to faith in Christ? What if?

Please do not go out to the street corner and confess your sins to the world just because you read this blog post. I'm not pushing for that. I'm only urging you to pray and listen for what the Holy Spirit might be leading you to do.

A Simple Prayer

This prayer was written on a small index card and given to me by my counselor. I have it memorized, but still keep it in plain sight as a reminder that my prayers do not have to be elaborate and complicated. God already sees my need, knows my heart, and loves me just the same.


Change me like You want to change me.
Bless me like You want to bless me.
Fill me like You want to fill me.
Use me like You want to use me.

LORD, cause Your plans for my life to prevail, and cause satan's plans for my life to fail.


That's it. Plain and simple.

I will leave you with this post I wrote on facebook:
"You cannot ask God to use you and then question His methods. Serving Christ requires that you trust Him completely with all that you are and with all that you have." -October 24, 2011

Ignorance is bliss?

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Every day brings new challenges which means new victories, and I am excited to see what today holds! I'm also looking forward to the day when my anxiety over writing is gone. Let's get to work on the overcoming process, shall we?

We've all heard the saying that ignorance is bliss, but is it really? Prior to October 14th, 2011, I was ignorant of the fact that there was a large tumor on the right side of my brain. I would normally consider this bliss, but I was also ignorant of how strong I am, how many people truly love and care for me, and how much my God loves me. I had the head-knowledge, but not the heart-knowledge, and there is a HUGE difference. Having John 3:16 memorized does not automatically mean you understand God's love for you, even though that is His greatest demonstration of love for His children.

On November 22, 2011 at 2:10am I finally GOT IT.  **side note: Being put on steroids post-surgery leaves one prone to episodes of 'awakeness' at dark-thirty on a regular basis. :)  Now, back to the love stuff...** I often took advantage of my inability to sleep by praying and reading my Bible. It was on this night that I began to pour out my love for my Savior. I was overwhelmed with all He had given me - grace, mercy, love, peace, provision, safety, and I just couldn't say it enough.

"Lord, I love you!" Over and over again.

His response to my cries of affection took me by surprise. I did not hear an audible voice, but He gently spoke to my heart saying, "No matter how much you love me, I will ALWAYS love you more." Whoa. What? "You cannot out-love me." 

All I could do was sob. I got it. I finally got it. God's love for ME cannot be surpassed or diminished. The more I seek Him, the more I love him, and the more He loves me in return. It's just so amazing!