A Life Lived Now

It was five months ago today we walked out of a hotel in Nashville at dark-thirty in the morning and started a drive that would seem to take hours and yet was over entirely too soon. Mom had been with us for almost a month already, and Dad flew up the day before. Grandpa and Grandma Tucker also drove up from Florida to join us on this uncertain journey. I was having brain surgery.

Shower. Seizure meds with only a sip of water. No lotion, makeup, or nail polish. Having the last-minute conversations that are uncomfortable, but necessary. It was a quiet morning filled with small talk to help the time pass, but mostly filled with prayer and reflection. We stood together in the lobby of the hospital one last time before they took me back, and we placed our trust in a God who already knew how the day would unfold.

 

My journey with an unresectable brain tumor continues to be completely unpredictable. So it seems appropriate that today - exactly five months after surgery, I will head to Erlanger for my final radiation treatment. 30-0!

Another scan is scheduled for the morning of May 16th in Nashville. Then Kevin and I will meet with Dr. Moots the same afternoon to discuss the results. I will most likely continue taking Temodar (chemo pill) for another six months, but aside from that, I have no idea what happens next. And that's okay. I will work hard to enjoy each day to the fullest, because none of us is guaranteed tomorrow.

A Simple Prayer

This prayer was written on a small index card and given to me by my counselor. I have it memorized, but still keep it in plain sight as a reminder that my prayers do not have to be elaborate and complicated. God already sees my need, knows my heart, and loves me just the same.


Change me like You want to change me.
Bless me like You want to bless me.
Fill me like You want to fill me.
Use me like You want to use me.

LORD, cause Your plans for my life to prevail, and cause satan's plans for my life to fail.


That's it. Plain and simple.

I will leave you with this post I wrote on facebook:
"You cannot ask God to use you and then question His methods. Serving Christ requires that you trust Him completely with all that you are and with all that you have." -October 24, 2011